Don't get it twisted , this ain't John Q, but the helpless feeling is one in the same . Since my car radio is on the blink ,I have an emormous availability to inward thought,self reflection. After I review my to-do list for the day in my head , several realizations appear.I was asked recently if I was 'on the rebound',and I answered no.A few moments and a John Hughes style movie montage later, I realized that yes, I am mourning the end of a relationship.Just because we didn't 'go together'doesnt mean it wasnt a relationship in its own right. Anytime either party starts getting the slightest bit lame and starts discussing feelings, nah son, there's a little more to it. And that's just the beginning. In addition to the fact that I felt like Lil Homie did a "Bend It Like Beckham" on my emotions, I looked at why it hit me so hard...
As Ive blasted on repeat, Ive only had like 5 boyfriends...EVER. Up until the last 2, they were all ok guys,we just weren't meant to last forever.I could live with that . People grow, seasons change ,blah blah blah. But now Im a grown ass woman with a child,and my last relationship lasted about 6 years, give or take a hiatus or two.I dont really enjoy dating and having to get to know a new weirdo all over again,but I understand it to be a necessary evil. Contrary to popular belief,I like being with one person. The dry cleaning bill on my silk robe and bearskin rug maintainence is a beast!! Sure ,I can probably mack as hard as Max Julien. Do I want to though? Hell naw. It gets exhausting.So when the last one came along and more time was spent ,somehow I became content.It wasnt too much,I saw him pretty much when I wanted(which is why the marriage honestly came out of left field),and I got the action I liked. Just keeping it rough ,rugged, and raw. Have I met a couple of guys since that I like? Sure. But Ive discovered that Im searching for THAT FEELING .Kinda like Gator in Jungle Fever, Im in need of a fix. As long as we no longer have any contact I'll make it just fine. Being honest though,when its all said and done and the collection plate is passed for the last time, I cant lie to myself . Im rebounding harder that Wilt Chamberlain. And we all know he wasn't no joke...
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