In That Order....

      Each day when I rise , I take the time to give thanks for many things.Health,wealth , and happiness for self and all those around me. Just keeping it one hunnid though, I praise the most high for blessing me with common sense.As I grow increasingly aware , seems like quite a few were passed over in that area . The nonsense that I see with my own two eyes on the daily is shenanigans at its absolute worst!! Some things should just be no-brainers, but ,well, maybe that's just it. No mind to speak of at all!
     I'm not saying that I don't do the goofy sometimes myself . Hell, my 2011 belongs in the Comic Book Hall of Fame. The crazy thing about me is that I actually weigh the pros and cons of the situation and ready myself in the event that the outcome is not in my favor .For instance, I was vying for another position within my company over the summer.Thinking I had it in the bag , I got excited, but I didnt stop doing the job I have,I just hoped for the best . Well , the "suits"had other ideas, and I didn't get hired, yet Im still working my original gig . Get it? I didnt screw up my current situation due to wishful thinking. Why ? Because I have good sense.
     I have had people get totally upset and disgusted when the subject of family comes up, and I voice that I do not desire to have more children.  What I decide to do with my still perky boobs and undercarriage is my business,but others still feel the need to state their personal opinions. Look , Im going to say it since no one else has: This single mother sh*t is for the fu*king birds! I have a great child and an awesome support system , but the fact that the other parent and I have a strained relationship and at times little to no communication kills me ,and I simply dont want to risk putting another child through this. My common sense tells me" Look Genius, one kid is whooping your ass, dont be no fool", but people still do it all the time, going against their better judgement. In the words of Rozay"No sirrrr, not meee"....

     When it comes to love, that's when me and sensibility have a coin toss to see who's going to win. Usually,good sense breaks up the mayhem like Top Flight security ,even though my "tender loins" have caused me to make a bad decision or two..or three...or,you get the gaddamn picture!!! If bumped your head in a situation,and Im talking Willie Lump Lump, why jump into the exact thing all over again ? I have banned street ni**as,rapper dudes, and security guards, so anyone that falls into any of those categories can forget about standing a chance with ol DiddyBop Jones.I know all men arent the same , but common sense tells me if I dont want  my heart to look like Martin when Tommy 'The Hitman' Hearns beat his ass,I might want to make other choices.....

Hole In My Heart...

       Don't get it twisted , this ain't John Q, but the helpless feeling is one in the same . Since my car radio is on the blink ,I have an emormous availability to inward thought,self reflection. After I review my to-do list for the day in my head , several realizations appear.I was asked recently if I was 'on the rebound',and I answered no.A few moments and a John Hughes style movie montage later, I realized that yes, I am mourning the end of a relationship.Just because we didn't 'go together'doesnt mean it wasnt a relationship in its own right. Anytime either party starts getting the slightest bit lame and starts discussing feelings, nah son, there's a little more to it. And that's just the beginning. In addition to the fact that I felt like Lil Homie did a "Bend It Like Beckham" on my emotions, I looked at why it hit me so hard...

      As Ive blasted on repeat, Ive only had like 5 boyfriends...EVER. Up until the last 2, they were all ok guys,we just weren't meant to last forever.I could live with that . People grow, seasons change ,blah blah blah. But now Im a grown ass woman with a child,and my last relationship lasted about 6 years, give or take a hiatus or two.I dont really enjoy dating and having to get to know a new weirdo all over again,but I understand it to be a necessary evil. Contrary to popular belief,I like being with one person. The dry cleaning bill on my silk robe and bearskin rug maintainence is a beast!! Sure ,I can probably mack as hard as Max Julien. Do I want to though? Hell naw. It gets exhausting.So when the last one came along and more time was spent ,somehow I became content.It wasnt too much,I saw him pretty much when I wanted(which is why the marriage honestly came out of left field),and I got the action I liked. Just keeping it  rough ,rugged, and raw. Have I met a couple of guys since that I like? Sure. But Ive discovered that Im searching for THAT FEELING .Kinda like Gator in Jungle Fever, Im in need of a fix. As long as we no longer have any contact I'll make it just fine. Being honest though,when its all said and done and the collection plate is passed for the last time, I cant lie to myself . Im rebounding harder that Wilt Chamberlain. And we all know he wasn't no joke...

I Wonder Why They Call You 'Bitch'...

     When I hear the term 'Angry Black Woman', I'm slightly conflicted. On one hand, I really do pride myself on being the complete opposite: jovial,loving,possessing the sense of humor of a 16 year old boy(hey, I have brothers),I think I'm awesome to be around. However there have been occasions when I have found myself snapping fingers, rolling eyes and the neck ,and having a perpetual attitude. No I'm no SuperWoman, but liars, cheaters,and other rachet types are certainly my Kryptonite.
     Because my life hasnt been all bad, I still have some semblance of happiness in my heart. Pretty good upbringing, decent circle of friends, able to support myself and my child;things are better than okay. Not until others display their own terrible nature that the ABW makes her cameo appearance ,like Mr. T. on Different Strokes.
     I'm saying , as an adult with adult problems, I now understand how bitches are born. I had to take care of some business for my son's day care today. The office was full of women with children , in which I may have seen three men total,and one of them was coming out of the men's room with his mop bucket.The frustration was as dense as pound cake,part being that the line was stupid as hell, the other that they were handling it all alone.The ABW 's were thick as Luke dancers in there. I was well  on my way,but I thought of all that I still have to be thankful for and calmed my ass down.
     Work, love, and  life will upset you sometimes to the point of wanting to throw a chair. I almost went in today at the gig , but I remembered that we get paid tomorrow,so I chilled.In all seriousness, a few days ago I felt myself just giving up, saying fu*k the world based on the misdeeds of  one. Never that. I had to let that go.I really thought to myself ,as I sit angry and ready to give up hope on someone really showing me how its supposed to be, Im really going to let this weirdo affect my head like that? No sir. Not to say that I still dont get the urge to hit him low,REAL LOW,I relax.How I treat others is building upon my story. His actions have determined his fate. I can only do me, and truly , that angry bitch can kick rocks...
        

    

Letting Go and Letting Love...

                                              CAUTION : PURE HONESTY AHEAD

      Im having one hell of a morning. Just a few hours ago, "Dude"and I had a long overdue conversation,kissed , and said goodbye for the very last time.It was unexpected at such a late hour, but I prayed for a conclusion to the madness and I received it .I saw the road ahead being contorted and dangerously curved,with a certain dead end. One month shy of a full calendar year and I finally accepted what and who comes first concerning my feelings. I entered the situation with no clear expectations or boundaries, which was my first mistake.Seeing obvious signs that should've made me exit stage left. Getting into arguments with someone who I kept telling myself didn't matter that much to me. Im not going to pretend I was blind to it all. Hell ,my previous blogs confirm that I wasnt. Yet I rode shotgun for eleven months on that crazy ride.I kid you not, I literally prayed to God to show me the end, because I felt it spinning out of control. On his end I witnessed him,well, being messy. Lil Homie still got straw in his shoe from jumping the broom, yet he's dead on my heels?Getting jealous about who I talk to?Wanting to keep on keeping on like we had been, knowing that Maury has created an empire from mess like this.Again, I cant blame him for it all. I know that the chemistry was insane. I kept that fortress around my heart; dismissing the necessary, holding on to the temporary.Public displays of affection.Feeding his deceptive ways.Giving "us" life ,when we should have been killed off permanently,like James Evans on Good Times.I am fully aware of the role that I played in this. Yet it still hurts a little. And Im letting this box of Puffs have it!
     This is a very special edition of Shenanigans&Mayhem.As you can see, its running long and strong like an MC with endless rhymes and an oxygen tank. But this is my truth. My honesty. My real life.Slightly happy about it though.Now my heart is available for a tenant who actually pays rent.Sure, I gave him a 30 day notice a while back, but in good faith I let him stay.Unfortunately today the sherriff has shown up with those papers and as of 5:05 AM, as he departed, Rapper Dude is no longer a resident of my emotional threshold...