Hair Of The Dog......

      Mirror mirror,on the wall,Im still on some internal reflection ish after all.I tell you, just a brief drive around the block a few times and I had all types of thoughts going through my head . Still working through the strange contradiction of  not wanting to be alone, yet still having  commitment anxieties. Polar opposites huh? Probably not as uncommon as you may think. Got a few things to share(Queue Dream Sequence Music here..)
      I began taking a long hard look at the past relationships Ive had. Most were pretty cool and didnt end poorly. The last few,hell naw. Those were as bad as an Englishman's teeth,and no offense to the English. My situations were worse actually.I had a horrific near tragic situation with one that almost sent me first class to "The Upper Room", the ongoing saga with my child's father,and that whole weird thing with What's His Face.Yeah.Yall know who Im talking about. Prior to them, I had decent boyfriends/dating setups.I cant say that my feelings werent hurt until the last three, but they just took terrible to a new low, "And the award for the  worse ni**a I couldve ever effed with goes to..."There's nothing cool about telling the one you "love" that they will never measure up to your ex.Or pressuring them to look plain so no one else wants them.Criticizing their every step.Downplaying their excitement of getting a college degree and promising internship.Lying about your entire existance . Worst of all is physical violence.I mean, really? Is it that serious?
      Obviously it all was, because this has been my truth. Iam still a young woman and hopefully have plenty more years ahead of me,but Im at a cross roads. I havent been in a relationship in over 3 years . True I had that period where the mojo had to renew itself, but now I feel Im past that. I no longer feel the desire to become involved in casual relationships,yet Im afraid to go for the gusto. And I got alot of gusto to give! Things are even harder when you remove yourself from a broken situation,yet they continue to make guest appearances,like Charo on the Love Boat.
      Its crazy how hard its been for me to let it all go. Social media and modern technology throw a kink in the game when they still email you,follow you on Twitter,show up in music blogs and the like.I want to be able to love again,but after the last one did the Brooklyn Stomp all over my feelings,its a hard sell.One day it will all make sense,I keep telling myself. Until then,Im just practicing these home remedies for my love hangover....

No Rhyme,No Reason...

                  For about a week now , Ive been reflecting on some of  my life's happenings.You know , Im getting older, a little wiser,always looking to learn from past mistakes. This year alone has taught me so much. Its been a little more difficult than I expected,but life is indeed an adventure.So as I was driving in from the gig today, I had a few light bulbs go off,and I'll share with you guys...

1.Its time to work on my dream. Giving all of my time and dedication to those that really dont give a damn is not what's up. Like I used to tell the ex-Mr.:There's a particular type of life I want,and I gotta have it,plain and simple.
2.Everyone does not , and will not share my vision. Its up to me to make it happen.
3.I like Rapper Dudes. Ok , I just do. "Him" didnt work out, but he taught me alot.He showed me that men also can be Bat Sh*t crazy, slightly bi polar and that a mirror on the wall behind the bed is that BUSINESS!!
4.Wish I knew how to make beats, create my own sounds. My musical taste is pretty dope , if I must say so myself .
5.Although I can play the "game " with some of the best, I dont really like dating at all, actually I hate it. Real and honest individuals are few and far in between.So have I been treated and treated some in return ? Yup, sure did.But somewhere out there is the one I dont have to constantly prove my love to,who will love me and my son, who I dont have to second guess.Still waiting , but I cant rush a good thing.
              That is just a bit of the randomness that goes on in my head.More to come, but of course y'all already know that....