"Talking That Extra Hard Junk and Prolly A Punk"...

              What's good faithful friends? I know its been quite some time since Ive put a little flava in your ear...or eyes..or, whatever the hell. Yall have been deprived of your  hardcore shenanigans . Its not that Ive been lacking in the "this sh*t's ridiculous" department , but I had to get hold of my thoughts before one of you all called the people and had me locked down on a 72 hour hold, you feel me? So much to share, so little space to type. Lawd where do I begin??
                Well for starters, my dear fans of the "Rapper Dude" saga, that tale has had a few added layers,which always makes for excellent literature. Actually it would make for an awesome made for tv movie,entitled "Me and The Rapping Ass Nigga That Did Too Much"... Has a nice ring to it, dontcha think? Anyway, aside from that garbage,Im still on that neverending trek to finding solace within myself. You see, the thing about me is that I refuse to lie to myself. All those twists and turns on the European leg of the tour with You Know Who, I knew he wasnt on sh*t. I was bored, a little lonely and stuck on that Green Tea peen( details will be provided at my Ladies First seminar in October, LOL). However, after falling out in Walgreens a few times and sending him anonymous hate mail, I realized I had to get it together. Stop playing myself. Understand that I too am deserving of a nice fella who is not a player, sincere, attentive, and can read. The last few years were enough to drive the average female to fake her death and move to another country, but I believe Im stronger than that. The thing is, am I too strong now? Am I too tough, hardened by the hurt that I experienced?
                   I'd like to believe that Im good, Im emotionally available , but Im not so sure. It sucks to feel as if you really have begun to like someone, but are constantly fighting yourself, not allowing yourself to just 'go with it'. Always second guessing and giving yourself the 'side eye'. Im so scared of falling. Its rather rotten, I must say. Im the level headed one, giving my people sound advice but I cant seem to follow it.The mistakes of those from my past should not be thrust upon one who could very well be my future. Im pissed off about some sh*t a nigga did in '09, and the new guy thinks Im going through the change or something. I just need to be mindful , take it slow, and proceed with an open heart. I mean , if the new Boo acts up, I can always blast him here, right???