At this very moment , my mind is a jumbled mess . Im still wide awake at nearly 3 AM playing instrumentals, writing (or at least trying to) ,and fielding some of the most unadulterated foolishness ever. Y'all know that right now Im solo like a 'red cup',and Im simply reveling in this comfort and peace . I deserve it after that stretch of what I know had to be a practical joke on my very existence. Today , from three individuals that know nothing of one another, I got the " So you dont mess with me no more" call/text. Wow. It only took a month( or more) of me not acknowledging your presence for you to figure that out huh? Hip hip hooray for public school education...
I know pure uncut bullsh*t when I see it. The types of relationships that I had with these guys held no future , and with each of them I knew that from jump. It got real old and boring fast. Besides , Im still nursing wounds from U Know Who, and overcompensating with multiple personalities didnt fix a thing. Made it sting a little more when after a date or a conversation Im left unfulfilled , missing the type of chemistry I had with "him". Yes , I said it . I still miss him . It was the closest thing I'd had to an actual relationship in a few years ,so why not? I sometimes light a candle and play "We Reminisce Over You",in loving memory of the good times we had, you know. It wasnt ALL terrible...
Who doesn't want happiness ,peace,and a love of their own? I certainly do , but the woman in me wouldnt allow the idiotic behavior to continue. Sometimes our selfish and /or carnal desires must take a backseat to our heartfelt convictions. I damn near had to make myself believe I really liked these fellas, so that already lets you know there was nothing to be had . I have never been the type of woman that needed a man to feel complete,but that's exactly what I did with them by using them to fill the cracks of my broken heart . Im wiser now. And Im still single as a dollar bill....
That's what's up! Some of us gals feel the same way it just takes a bold and tired of the bullish type woman to admit! I'm still single as dollar bill myself, but I'm cool with it. Not looking to get caught up in the MATRIX!
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