Hair Of The Dog......

      Mirror mirror,on the wall,Im still on some internal reflection ish after all.I tell you, just a brief drive around the block a few times and I had all types of thoughts going through my head . Still working through the strange contradiction of  not wanting to be alone, yet still having  commitment anxieties. Polar opposites huh? Probably not as uncommon as you may think. Got a few things to share(Queue Dream Sequence Music here..)
      I began taking a long hard look at the past relationships Ive had. Most were pretty cool and didnt end poorly. The last few,hell naw. Those were as bad as an Englishman's teeth,and no offense to the English. My situations were worse actually.I had a horrific near tragic situation with one that almost sent me first class to "The Upper Room", the ongoing saga with my child's father,and that whole weird thing with What's His Face.Yeah.Yall know who Im talking about. Prior to them, I had decent boyfriends/dating setups.I cant say that my feelings werent hurt until the last three, but they just took terrible to a new low, "And the award for the  worse ni**a I couldve ever effed with goes to..."There's nothing cool about telling the one you "love" that they will never measure up to your ex.Or pressuring them to look plain so no one else wants them.Criticizing their every step.Downplaying their excitement of getting a college degree and promising internship.Lying about your entire existance . Worst of all is physical violence.I mean, really? Is it that serious?
      Obviously it all was, because this has been my truth. Iam still a young woman and hopefully have plenty more years ahead of me,but Im at a cross roads. I havent been in a relationship in over 3 years . True I had that period where the mojo had to renew itself, but now I feel Im past that. I no longer feel the desire to become involved in casual relationships,yet Im afraid to go for the gusto. And I got alot of gusto to give! Things are even harder when you remove yourself from a broken situation,yet they continue to make guest appearances,like Charo on the Love Boat.
      Its crazy how hard its been for me to let it all go. Social media and modern technology throw a kink in the game when they still email you,follow you on Twitter,show up in music blogs and the like.I want to be able to love again,but after the last one did the Brooklyn Stomp all over my feelings,its a hard sell.One day it will all make sense,I keep telling myself. Until then,Im just practicing these home remedies for my love hangover....